Unreachable

I really don't know what I am attempting to accomplish. 
My Mom was a blogger. Now I am a blogger.
Simple.
I miss my mom.
If anyone is reading this there are some things I will share with you, some context, sort of the reason why I'm even here on this site. My mom died this April. She was a great writer. She was a phenomenal singer and musician. She is the best Mom. I don't know how life goes on, just that it does and I with it.
I will forever miss singing with her. I will forever regret not recording more videos of her wonderful self and beautiful voice. I have two videos to show her grandchildren (if there are any to come in this life.)
I went looking for journels written by her last night. I found one entry and a drawing that I had done, probably as a six year old, that she had tucked into an empty journal by her bedside. The problem is that once she wrote the pages she usually burned them. Sort of a spiritual cleansing.
I do not journal, I write fiction; SciFi/fantasy. An escape from the monotony and sometimes tragedy of my life. When I write my characters can be whatever I choose. They can be strong and tough, smart and resourceful. What ever it is that I want to be, but cannot always manage. No one can hold it together all the time. 
Right now I am sitting on a train heading to LA from my hometown. (Typing on my phone sorry for the typos.) I'm going to visit some wonderful people, friends and family from New Zealand. I'm going to have dinner with some bishop's, clergy and lay people. 
I'm going to smile and laugh and engage in normal light-hearted conversation.
All the while a peice of me is broken, a peice that will never be fixed.
But we move on. And we don't know why until the end (I don't know, I can't speak for everyone here, maybe someone out there does know the reasons why and how this life goes on.) We learn to cope. We hold each other up, we hold each other together. 
I have no long-term plans yet, no life goals. I'm taking it one day at a time, doing the best I can with what I've got.
I'm thinking of getting a fish.
I will name it Herbert. 
Why not? 
That's all for today. I wish you every happiness.

Comments

  1. AnonymousDecember 19, 2017 at 7:02 PM

    I loved reading this! You have so much of your mom in you- she is so proud of you and what you are doing. You write beautifully and soulfully. Keep writing... you are amazing!

    ReplyDelete

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